My family bonds through movies and I am thinking I don't want my family to be that way. I would rather sit around and make fun of each other or play games. It seems that is the only way we 'connect' here and there is no interaction involved; isn't that a contradiction?
I used to watch Shaylee play and was always a little disappointed when she wasn't super excited when I came around. Mark gave a talk in church about playing with kids and giving our families our time. I have been getting down and crazy with Shaylee the last two days and I have never felt closer to her. She can literally be entertained for hours by a stream of water from a faucet so I went in with her and played in the water for almost two hours. That is the kind of mom I want to be. A career outside a full time mom and homemaker is something I want, but quite as necessary for me. Anyway, Shaylee is so beautiful and I will likely be around in May when Marielle has her second! So excited. I remember urging mom to speed to the hospital and shocked that she actually did and then waiting anxiously as Marielle suffered through 12 hours of labor. Mmm, can't wait for that. I have a tiny bladder and an extremely sensitive nose. Excited for that too. :)
We went to the St. George temple as a family this morning. This is something we have never done before but something I want to implement as soon as my family old enough. It was special. My mom got teary and told us how much she wanted this day to happen. How wonderful would it be to show our family our love of the temple? I think I am going to have to live an hour or less travel time close to a temple when I get settled. I am so used to going every week with Jessica and this vacation has thrown me off. I have been once now this month and I can feel the gap in my life. The temple workers were so worried this morning that things were backed up and we would have to wait so long to get in but it took 1/2 hour, 45 min tops. Often in the Provo temple, we can wait up to three hours to do one name. The waiting time is so precious though and there is so much time that you just have to sit still and accept the blessings of sitting in the temple.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Remembering 2009
I have stepped away from the doomed plank I walked of serving as my own redeemer. I have found success in myself as a daughter of God. My eyes and what God's eyes see is the only sight that truly matters. I have found love for myself through the atonement of Jesus Christ and the Father and in Heaven that made it all possible. I am ridiculously pathetic when it comes to doing things right, but I am constant in my obsession to improve. I love every day with its fullness of opportunities to get to know God better through His children and the experiences I am given to find joy in. I am fresh in my new-found perspectives on God's love for me.
I am becoming. :D
I am becoming. :D
Friday, January 1, 2010
Reflections on Troy
I sit in bed thinking: nothing new there. Troy comes home in 8 months and 3 weeks, according to his December Facebook status.
My fingernails are too long to make typing fluid; they clatter across the keys.
My cat's hair is turning white in spots.
I think about the conversation I had with Shannon last week about missionaries. 'Hers' comes home in July and she just recently got out of the first relationship she has had since he left. We talked about the blankness of the thousands of 'what if's' that circle and pounce if allowed, oddly bringing the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz to mind. She and I, we have dated a lt of guys. I admire us for the trust we have developed in God that will allow us to follow our hearts. But it always makes you wonder why we keep falling short with them. Troy, a specter of the past I know one way, won't be entirely like that person when he gets home. Me too. You wonder on the ends of those many what-if roads.
I sound like an immature school girl, I know. Sometimes though, like tonight, I hope God lets him feel my prayers for him. Shan and I talked about how unless someone so wow came along that we could gladly let go of all attachment for our missionaries, that we will always have a string attached. This line holds us bound until he comes home and the relationship is a yes or a no. We agreed that it would be ok if it was a no, we have seen there are equally fantastic guys out there. The chance at a yes is something worth the just-to-make-sure experience we hope to have. But either way, and unless we find the right one with the right timing while he is still out preaching the gospel, we are held to the first. The moment in a suspenseful movie where you sit captivated and barely breathing is a similar feeling. You don't notice the captured breath until it bursts, liberated in a gust, from your lungs. After, you may laugh and wonder, "how silly, it was but a moment and it had such an effect." But, only after.
Well, hopefully now I can sleep. Night ya'll!
My fingernails are too long to make typing fluid; they clatter across the keys.
My cat's hair is turning white in spots.
I think about the conversation I had with Shannon last week about missionaries. 'Hers' comes home in July and she just recently got out of the first relationship she has had since he left. We talked about the blankness of the thousands of 'what if's' that circle and pounce if allowed, oddly bringing the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz to mind. She and I, we have dated a lt of guys. I admire us for the trust we have developed in God that will allow us to follow our hearts. But it always makes you wonder why we keep falling short with them. Troy, a specter of the past I know one way, won't be entirely like that person when he gets home. Me too. You wonder on the ends of those many what-if roads.
I sound like an immature school girl, I know. Sometimes though, like tonight, I hope God lets him feel my prayers for him. Shan and I talked about how unless someone so wow came along that we could gladly let go of all attachment for our missionaries, that we will always have a string attached. This line holds us bound until he comes home and the relationship is a yes or a no. We agreed that it would be ok if it was a no, we have seen there are equally fantastic guys out there. The chance at a yes is something worth the just-to-make-sure experience we hope to have. But either way, and unless we find the right one with the right timing while he is still out preaching the gospel, we are held to the first. The moment in a suspenseful movie where you sit captivated and barely breathing is a similar feeling. You don't notice the captured breath until it bursts, liberated in a gust, from your lungs. After, you may laugh and wonder, "how silly, it was but a moment and it had such an effect." But, only after.
Well, hopefully now I can sleep. Night ya'll!
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